![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
a new start, and i will actually update this one.
hopefully
its...
un-rejected
kill me.
I just sit here amazed. after crying at work, after finding out yesterday but not knowing it was you. after the crazy reliazation that the first person to die from class 2007 was you... someone well worth a wonderful life compared to some of the others. im so sorry. you were an amazing person, a great friend who didn't judge, we had some great times, u really knew how to make everyone laugh and smile. i will miss u... <3 Nichole
- Mood:
sad
i just barly finished the 7th hp book..
this is what happeneds i don't ever have time to read it so i stay up half the night to do so...
the book was amazing, and made me cry a lot. the very last chapter 19 years later, was the worst i bawled the entire time reading it, but i had a huge smile the entire time. it got to me bad.
i have to be at work at six and its now three, so i have three hours. so i don't think im gonna go to bed at all.
if i do then i wont get up.
if i don't i will be in huge trouble, and i don't like trouble.
so yeah...
that book was amazing.
i wish it never ended...
like i wish they could make more books! ahhh
the hp series i think was the best thing every thought up...
the fith movie sucked ass and i hate it! ahhh it pisses me off cause the 5th book had so much detail, so much depth, and pretty much led the 6th and 7th book to what they were.
right now, im sitting in a computer chair, just thinking, well imaging the 7th book. that very last chapter... wow. i can't really imagine but i want to so bad! like i wish it was all real..
if j.k. rowling can write another series just as amazing as that one she will become my hero!
which reminds me i was called someones idol tonight. Roger at work told me he idolizes me and that he thinks im an haris or how ever u call it. like paris hilton, shes an haris. i asked him what he ment by that and he told me he thinks im one cause im my own person, and i have my own personality. he thinks im amazing. its cool and all except for the constant staring the you're lookin good comments, me saying its hot, is hot to him, and the fact that he is well older then me, maybe twice my age, and well married. huh...
well im gonna find something else to do... cause well i don't know what to write!
except i miss school and i miss everyone from school, and i miss my bestfriends and i miss seeing them everyday.
wow its sad to think i am never going to go back to high school. but w/e now i can move on, which is also scaring but inviting. lol.
good night my fellow livejournalers... lol
- Mood:
thoughtful
today was such a bad day, except for the fact that me and brittany talked. she made me happy for the time we talked while i was counting cash... yeah it was hard to count and to talk at the same time but it wasn't bad...
my day started out great. i felt awake and ready for work.
then work came and i was susposed to do grill for the dinner rush but kathy decided to change us cause as a manager i need more time running the floor... but it was difficult with the ppl i was left with.
than i got the news that my bumpa isn't doing well, at all. there sending him to boston cause i guess there technology is more advanced...
hes the one guy that can chear me up no matter what. the one person that can make a good situation out of a bad one. hes always there, and know just what to say.i don't understand why all the good ppl have to fall ill.
than jake came and saw me. and i told him and couldn't help but to start to cry... i was holding it in the entire shift and being really mean to all the employees... but i let it out to him. he just lost his gram, who was also important to him. she was a good lady too.
im not ready, nor prepared... he said no one is. but im not no one. im me. i hate disapointments.
how do i break it to my "best friend" my "bestie" my #1 that i don't want to be friends anymore? how do i let him know he is an asshole to not only me. what a jerk, i think about what u said about me... you're more than dumb, your a waste of space in my heart. i think about what i wrote in your yearbook... 67... never.
well its two in the morning and i still haven't finished HP number 7... and im yawning like hell...
goodnight.
- Mood: sad
Im so glad u have to advertise this like u need everyone to feel sorry for u. thats real great, more attention for u. posting this on myspace and livejournal cause the more ppl that read the better it is for u. brittany i have done so much and gone so far out of my way for u. im sorry i don't call u every free second or very much that doesn't mean ur not important. u do the things u do with ur sister and yes i hang out with kenton and jake but that gives u no right to say that im replacing u or pushing u out. how do u think they feel. i come to u when ur upset and make u better i come to u when u need to leave, i bring u places and do things with u but i don't as much as u want and im sorry. but remember what u texted me, you don't want to be my friend anymore, and i told u to think about what ur writting to me, and the next day u said u only said that cause u were upset, but i still told u to think about what u do before u do it. so if anything right now brittany i deserve the appology! thats not right to say and its not fair to me! so don't give me bull shit excusses that i don't care or don't try unless thats what u really want. i love u brittany and no i don't just need u when jakes not around. ur very important to me and mean part of the world to me, u and sara both.
Nichole
- Location:home - office
- Mood:
crushed
first i got saras devistating news.... im sorry so baby and i can't seem to get ahold of u... but im so sorry...
then well i hung out with jake that was fine...
then i went to the camp site where my dad sister pat and pauly are camping and it was ok till the end, where i got into a well verbal disagreement with my father, it was the first time in my whole life that i actually had an arguement with him and where i defended myself and didn't courdown... it was my first time standing up to him...
by the end we were both in tears... and now im really sad... he told me that he is really upset that he is a bad father and hes really upset hes not in our lives and that he doesn't know us, thats why i explained to him that thats why i talk so much to him... i want him to know me.
then of corse the entire thing was about heather and pat... and how we all do not get along... my dads on heathers side so its like 3 against one... im really upset and i guess the best thing for me to do it stop trying to care about my sister, stop worring if she is going to get hurt, i guess i need to learn not to care so much...
pretty much i feel like a failer at life, and its all going to go down hill from here.
can i just say though i told my father and my three uncles what i wanted to do with my life and well they put me down... they told me it wouldn't happen pretty much and laughed about it. omg... nobody believes in me... but wanna know something as i was telling them about my future and how i want to be sucessful, and i listened to my father tell me other wise, they we passing around a pipe and they were hiding it from me. thinking well this 18 years old is retarded and wont notice....
god im retarded and dumb and im headed no where fast except for a life of shit.
goodnight
- Location:home - office
- Mood: crushed
- Music:nothing
i can't belive u could be so insensitive and selfish... it kinda hurts... a lot... im sorry but thats wrong the whole thing.
im so naked around u
and i can't hide
your gonna see right through me...
your self indourence makes me wanna cry cause i feel so bad for u...
<3Colie
- Location:home - office
- Mood:
contemplative - Music:naked - avril lavigne
well that was our senior prom, no more for us... well at least the ones not being brought back next year... anywho... the last one. it could have been better cause the dance floor was so tiny....
post prom was a lot of fun too...
i got a characture done with sam, the guy drew us as lovers... its a funny picture and explains why we will never be lovers... lol
i also did the hypnotist (sp like wow) and yeah well
you know what ur doing the entire time well atleast for me... and well its not that u know ur doing it and ur just acting, but its more like well he told me too and why not whats the harm, it was really relaxing and a lot of fun... i would def recomend it to u all cause i think it does something different for everyone... but for me i would say i was hypnotised to a certain extent... lol!
peace guys, im all alone at home and its time to blare music and dance around the house!
<3Colie
Callin' out around the world
Are you ready for a brand new beat?
Summer's here and the time is right
For dancin' in the streets
They're dancin' in Chicago
Down in New Orleans
Up in New York City
All we need is music, sweet music
There'll be music everywhere
There'll be swingin', swayin' and records playin'
And dancin' in the streets
Oh, it doesn't matter what you wear
Just as long as you are there
So come on, every guy grab a girl
Everywhere around the world
There'll be dancin'
They're dancin' in the street
This is an invitation
Across the nation
A chance for the folks to meet
There'll be laughin' and singin' and music swingin'
And dancin' in the streets
Philadelphia, P.A. (Philadelphia, P.A.)
Baltimore and DC now (Baltimore and DC now)
Yeah don't forget the Motor City (can't forget the Motor City)
All we need is music, sweet music
There'll be music everywhere
There'll be swingin', swayin' and records playin'
And dancin' in the street, yeah
Oh, it doesn't matter what you wear
Just as long as you are there
So come on, every guy grasp a girl
Everywhere around the world
There'll be dancin'
They're dancin' in the streets
Philadelphia, P.A. (Philadelphia, P.A.)
Baltimore and DC now (Baltimore and DC now)
Yeah don't forget the Motor City (can't forget the Motor City)
All the way down in L.A. California
Not to mention Halifax Nova Scotia
Manchester
Alexandria, Virginia, Virginia
- Location:home - office
- Mood:
crazy - Music:dancing in the street - Martha and the vandellas
well im calm. but tired. i wanna get up early so i can be motivated for the day seeing how tomorrow and sunday are my only two days off this week... up... tues-fri night then sat morning... so i have to wrok before prom. if i go... i just wanna not wear a dress, will dress pants be fine... no then i would feel outa place... what am i gonna do, when i have to compete next to u? how am i susposed to live, whens there nothing left for me to give...? so im wearing the ring my mom got me for my 18th... its a really nice ring, but its gold so it don't quite fit the rest of my rings so i wear it on the other hand... um..... i wish i knew what to say or how to feel, my mom said the way we look at eachother, its well undiscribable... shes weird and doesn't know what she is talking about... i wanna listen to clay like i have been for the past two days, but he died, well the pod did he didn't... stupid lil ninja... i had a good night at work.. i worked with nice ppl... it was cool... um well i just got beat up by doug so i've lost my train of thought... he was pinning me down and was tickling me, and well i pinched his belly and punched his boob, that'll teach him a lesson! lol so yeah kajun didn't save me even when i told him ow... he just looked up and laid his head back down.. jerk... lol well im done, cause well im calm and have to many things on my mind to write just blah...
- Location:home - office
- Mood:
calm - Music:teasing to please... cute is what we aim for
im already sick of teaching jake how to drive standard! lol actually its pretty fun, he has got the concept for the most part i mean he wants the lazy way out and wishes his new car was an automatic but standards are so much better!
do u ever get that feeling when someone looks right at u that there is no one else in the room... i feel that way right now, kinda overwhelmed...
im missing on my bestfriend right now... i want him to come back... i hope he sees that girl he meet last time... lol it would be really cool for him and it would probably help him over u... its not healthy for either one of u, well thats how i feel anywho...
so this lady e-mailed me back about an appartment and said she would most likely have one for me when i move up to burlington... 1055 a month... not bad for burlington i guess, but im gonna keep looking even though that place has an indoor pool, spa, rec center, work out... etc... im so excited!
im listening to brian... he is amazing... so talanted.... ahhh... lol!
jake is here, my mom is showing him something to do with his car...
so im wearing my geek squad shirt and was asked if i was one... um well no im computerly changanged...
i wanna talk to sam really bad right now and i don't know why
i've also wanted to cry all day cause all i can think about is graduation and how sad its going to be. i read the list for the last few days and well... its extremely sad to think that its almost over... 4 weeks of school... omg... then its over, we have to become adults... we have to fend and fight for oursleves... :(
no im just thinking... and its so sad...
im gonna go...
love to all my friends, and i promise to the three of u even though only two of u will read this, that even though we have our hard times, we will make it, together, always will i love u three and even if we fight or feel like we're loosing eachother, i will always love u and u can always count on me being there.... its my promise to u. its my love...
GOODNIGHT
- Location:home - office
- Mood:
apathetic - Music:our last charade - brian (my morning radio)
Try to bring me down
But I will not allow
Anyone to succeed
Hanging clouds over me
And they can try hard to make me feel
That I don't matter at all
But I refuse to falter
In what I believe
Or lose faith in my dreams
'Cause there's a light in me
That shines brightly
They can try
But they can't take that away from me
From me
They can do anything they want to you
Lf you let them in
But they won't ever win
If you cling to your pride
And just push them aside
See
I have learned there's an inner peace I own
Something in my soul
That they cannot possess
So I won't be afraid
And darkness will fade
'Cause there's a light in me
That shines brightly
They can try
But they can't take that away from me
No
They can't take this
Precious love
L'll always have inside me
Certainly the Lord will guide me
Where I need to go
They can say anything they want to say
Try to break me down
But 1 won't face the ground
I will rise steadily
Sailing out of their reach
Oh Lord
They do try hard to make me feel
That I don't matter at all
But I refuse to falter
In what I believe
Or lose faith in my dreams
'Cause there's a light in me that shines brightly
They can try
But they can't take that away from me
From me
- Location:home - office
- Mood: okay
- Music:mariah carey
I'm sorry a billion times!
all i can do is say im sorry cause everything i do seems to be wrong.
Saying goodbye this time, the same old story
Seeing you cry, makes me feel like saying sorry
I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a 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sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a 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sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a billion times!I'm sorry a 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- Location:home - office
- Mood:
rejected - Music:saying sorry - hawthorne heights
anywho, my two besties called while me sam and hunter were watching a movie to tell me a story i listened to there story but saras phone was hazy so i didn't get it all but i got the gist of it... them i tried to tell them i was hanging out with hunter and they were like who cares are u listening to my story and i was like yes i am! but i wanted to talk to and then i was like ok im hanging up now and they got mad at me cause i hung up on them. so i just talked to brittany online and i was like r u and sara still mad at me and she said yes cause i was rude to them, and i was for serious though thats dumb, and she was like well no we're not but we were and i was like u where rude to me to and i explained how and she was like well i gotta go and just got went away, and i was omg brittany ur retarded, cause obviously she is still mad at me for something extremly stupid! it pisses me off that they get mad at me for the dumbist things, like it doesn't matter what it is they always get mad... i mean we get over it and thats great, but why get MAD in the first place? i mean is there any harm really done? did i REALLY hurt ur feelings? i guess i just don't get it.
on a better note that i havn't written about yet, is that me and jake are talking again... its really nice... everyone seems to think that it might not be real, or that the same shit will happen again, but i think jake is being sincere... maybe im wrong but i will find out. i just wanna say this though, im sorry jaky poo but when u lose complete trust for someone you can't just pick it up on a day or two maybe not even a month or two but it will come back... i love u buddy like i used to and we had the best kind of friendship (except for the end of it) but i can't give u my complete trust, not right away...
as for kenton, im sorry i got so mad. i guess what u said hit me had, and it kind of hurt to hear that what i did was really painful, i thought that he didn't feel a thing and that he didn;t care to loose me as a friend but i know i was wrong now... but thanks for sticking up for him, and thanks for trying to apologize and that u for being nice to me over textmessage and to my face this morning, i didn't deserve it and im sorry for calling u a jerk.
well my 18 is in 5 days... 18 is an adult, it means that im my own person... it makes me legal. it makes me, me.
- Location:home - office
- Mood:
happy/sad - Music:stuck in the drive thru
so about my day, well i had a good one for the most part... i was in a really good mood up till 5th period. during art, it was fun cause i think my girl looks so cool so far! and im only drawing her... i havn't even started the collage... weird, then third i had a test, well it was borning and i don't really like that class. then during lunch sam sara and i went out to eat at subway.... we brought the food back though its not like we ate there. then we were a little late to 4th where i was being like completly out of it, probably more for attention then anything and im fine with admitting that, but i do love to be crazy! whoa! so yea i never did any art, ok so im lying, i finished the bottom row of eyelashes! go me, not really, its actually not a big acomplishment and i was already half done... ok so then it was time for fith, i know i over reacted but it bothered me a lot... and it did last time too, and im sorry i made a big deal about it but its happened before and i got really mad, so don't u think im going to get mad again. and i know its a dumb thing to get mad over but oh well thats how i am... so anyways im sorry. i love you!
im so scared thats its going to go wrong, but i know u guys will make it amazing for me! and i appreciate that! lovers!
well ill be going now... <3Colie
- Location:home - office
- Mood:
YOUR GROSS - Music:glamorous - fergie
- Location:home - office
- Mood:
cheerful - Music:nonners!
so yeah... it was funny... im working tomorrow! not so much fun but i need the hours! yay! lol well.... its still snowing... and im writing my paper... its amazing so far... yeppers im excited!
so yeah anyways, my mom goes in for surgury tomorrow... and i will be at school hoping for the best...
and also i have my appeal date set for friday, thats why i might miss janiszyns class.. yeah it should be fine!
oh yeah and also i hope we have a snow day tomorrow! just because!
- Location:home - office
- Mood: creative
- Music:nonners
FOR FUCKING 3 YEARS OUT OF MY LIFE I WORKED FULL TIME AND WENT TO SCHOOL FULL TIME, DOES THAT NOT MEAN ANYTHING! DOES THAT GIVE THEM A RIGHT TO SHIT ON ME FOR NOT HAVING A JOB FOR 1 FUCKING MONTH!? WHAT DOES IT GIVE THEM A RIGHT TO DO? IT SHOULD GIVE THEM THE RIGHT TO SAY, YES THERE DAUGHTER WILL BE SUCESSFUL, BECAUSE SHE IS DETERMINED AND SHE HAS ALWAYS PAID FOR EVERYTHING AND SHE IS THE ONLY CHILD IN FUCKING AMERICA WHO HASN'T EVER HAD TO DEPEND ON HER PARENTS!
GOD SOMETIMES I WISH THEY KNEW HOW I FELT, ABOUT HOW THEY TREAT ME... IM ALMOST 18 YEARS OLD, AND I'VE WORKED SENSE I WAS 14 AND THEY STILL THINK IM A KID, I KNOW HOW TO VENGE FOR MYSELF!
im so upset...
i wish they would just once tell me they were proud of me, and not judge me for eveything i've done wrong.... just once i want a im so happy for u Nichole, i know ur going to go far in ur life.... just once i want to be noticed for the effort i've made to make there finanical selves better.... but no... im still just a failer to them and i will always be, cause to them i never do anything right... ill tell u though, not once have they had to have the stress on them to have to work two full time jobs... not once. they didn't have to work when they where in school.
I HAVE WORKED A TOTAL, INCLUDING SCHOOL AND MCDONALDS, ON AVERAGE, 75 HOURS A WEEK SENSE I WAS A FRESHMAN IN HIGH SCHOOL. PLEASE TELL ME IM LAZY AND INCOMPETENT.
- Location:home - office
- Mood: crying
- Music:none
so pretty much we just got done with dinner, and well i had to leave the room, i have the biggest headache ever! so we were eating and everyone had common curtisy not to smoke while eating, but then after we all ate we were all still sitting at the table talking and every singie fucking person lite a ciggerate right infront of me... pretty much there was 6 of us at the table and i was in like the middle of everyone and out of 6 ppl 5 lite a cig... so pretty much it gave me an instant headache and i had to leave the room... ahhh why couldn't they have just waited until like i wasn't around, i think it very rude of all of them even the guests here to light a cig, infornt of me pushing me out of my own fucking dinningroom... yeah so im really mad about that!
so yeah sarah and hunter came over so i can interview sarah about teen prenancy and i love hunter to death!
and yeah so i juts took about 80 pics of myself cause i need a new one for the yearbook...
and yeah sams on his way over... he got another new phone!
and now my sis wants to listen to rent and i have a headache!
- Location:home - office
- Music:about to listen to rent
anyways me, neomi, sam, and maybe sara... are going to electra tonight... i love going with those ppl, but also brittany but she has to wrok... so yeah then we're going to denys like always and last time me and neomi got the lumber jacks, the huge meal think and i couldn't finish mine and we left before neomi could finish hers... it was funny, so she is going to get another tonight and try again! lol...
so pretty much im in det to my eye balls... like its not that serious but it is at the same time... its crazy i swear...
so yeah i also cut my gums on the roof of my mouth and it hurts a lot but the swelling is going down....
I LOVE MY BESTIES! ALL THREE OF THEM!
Im in a weird mood... i just wanna drive around... like not fast, slow so i can enjoy the ride... but with my besties so we can all enjoy it! ahhh
pretty much im in a really good mood for someone who was denied yesterday, and for someone who has to pay bills and for someone who is well idk...
BUT WANNA KNOW WHAT KEEPS ME SANE AND HAPPY... ILL GIVE U HINTS
THERES THREE OF THEM
A TOTAL OF 6 LEGS AND 6ARMS
THERE INATIALS TOGETHER ARE SDSGBH
NO VOWELS... WEIRD...
AND I LOVE ALL THREE
THEY ARE AMAZING
THERE MY BESTIES!
- Location:home - office
- Music:broken - lyndsie haun
